Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

I often work with my clients on developing an awareness of their actions and how they affect others. To be aware of their words, behaviors, and reactions. To think about how they would feel if they should be the person on the other side of the interaction. I am reminded of a fight my wife and I had soon after we got married which helped me to understand how the slightest twitch in our face, or movement in our body can send a message to another person. During this particular fight, I happened to look up at the wrong moment, to see myself, full of anger and rage, in the bathroom mirror. It was a shocking, yet revealing experience, which helped me to see myself in a different light. It helped me to see that what's in my head, the beliefs I have about myself, are not always reality, and there is a whole world within us, about us, and right smack dab in front of us that we don't often get to see. I learned that when I get to close to myself, get to comfortable with myself, I distort the image of who I am, and neglect the social mirror that reflects another part of me.

I have found the Johari Window a great tool to remind me of the other worlds that reside around me and within me, that I don't often pay attention to in my fast-paced life. It's basically self-explanatory.

The Johari Window

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Last night, at the video store, the girl running the counter informed me that there was a late fee on my account for $21.00. "Twenty one dollars!" I replied, in a humorous tone. She listed of the movies and asked in a scared, puppy-dog sort of way, "Would you like to pay for these fines now?" I quickly agreed to pay for them, not thinking twice, kicking myself to turning in movies late (as so often happens), and thinking that it might be financially sound to go with netflix. After paying the fines with a smile on my face, the girl turns to me and says "Thank you so much for not getting angry with me. Usually when I tell people they have late fees they get angry and throw a big fit." A small interaction, which I wouldn't have thought twice about, reminded me that every interaction effects another person, and I have a choices daily which can either hurt or heal.

"19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does.
26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."